Brave.

I want to take a few moments before I get busy having fun to express gratitude for the great week just completed. My load wasn't any lighter and the children didn't grow angel wings. The only thing that changed was my perspective. On Monday I made the decision to relax. There is no perfect way to discipline two eight-year-olds. So, with that in mind I stepped down from my dictator platform and welcomed a more natural approach suiting my personality. My motives--to put the children's best interest first and simply do what is expected of me by Susan. I allowed a bit more nonsense, but I found myself more often amused and less pissed off that way. Quite liberating. Wednesday Susan and I sat down with Johan, Gabriella's foster care supervisor who is also a friend of mine I met at L'abri. He is the one who referred me to Susan for the job. The meeting was scheduled several weeks ago in order to discuss how things are going in the home and provide an opportunity for me to ask questions. This visit on Wednesday was incredibly helpful. I asked many questions and received a lot of answers which now inform the way I interact with and understand both children and Susan. I received some encouragement as well, which couldn't have come on a more appropriate day of the week. From Wednesday on I felt exceptionally more connected to my life here, every aspect of it. Once I stopped trying to change the children and instead understand them I captured a new grip on reality. A reality I can now enjoy moreso. I hope to keep this up. Thank God for a good week.

On Friday after cleaning the house top to bottom I was eager to bake something. So I scrounged up enough ingredients to bake some double chocolate chunk cookies. Greetje liked the dough more than the cookies themselves. With no baking soda I substituted baking powder, which made a cake-like finished product. Still delicious and a unique treat for my Dutch family to taste.

Now some serious relaxing begins. Tonight Susan and I are having a girls night. Perhaps going to a ballet if tickets are still available. The girls have a week off school for fall vacation. Monday and Tuesday the cousins come for some playtime. I plan to head to L'abri Wednesday for a long weekend. My home away from home.

I also want to put in a little plug for a Dutch musical entity called "Brown Feather Sparrow." Volkoren, their label group, was having a release party here in Den Haag and so I went Thursday evening with Levien. My tutor Robb at L'abri introduced me to their lovely music about a year ago and suggested I attend the party. Some would say "Brown Feather Sparrow" is a group of "undercover" Christian musicians, though they clearly are without any evangelical agenda. But all to say, they produce hope filling, wholesome, volkoren music ("volkoren" basically means "whole grain"). Most of the lyrics (which to my understanding are in english :) are written by lead vocalist Lydia, whose delightful vulnerability commands the attention of every audience member, even from behind her keyboard. Her stage presence honestly speaks, "These are my songs. I hope you like them. If not, they are still mine. And I like them quite much."

Their new album "Brave" is a collection of stories about people who were face to face with an opportunity to show their bravery. I say each day is chance to be brave.
In great moments of sadness, loneliness, laziness, anger, complacency, etc. maybe the missing key is bravery. What does bravery look like? Bravery I tend to link with faith because faith, for me, requires courage. Perhaps we'd all see a few better days if we could make this active.