1/6

For the projected year I've created little ticks on my mental timeline that divide my life into terms or periods. Whatever you want to call it. Actually, let me take a minute to create a visual timeline for you folks. This will only take a minute...

(12 minutes later)

Okay. Here it is. I've completed one-sixth of my time here. My recent miniature vacation at L'abri marked my two months here in Den Haag. The next two months will be solid until I fly home on Christmas Eve.


This timeline may indicate that I'm anxiously counting down the days until I leave, which is a misconception. Rather, see the glass 1/6 full. One glowing, beautiful sixth of a year to commemorate. To grow from.

Now let me briefly describe my holiday at L'abri.

The house was full of warm, familiar faces as well as new. Since the weekend was a film weekend L'abri was a busy place, with almost every bed reserved. On Friday evening the guests arrive for a lecture to introduce the theme of the weekend. This particular theme was "Made for Connectivity." The three films on Saturday proved the theme to be true. All three films I will not discuss here but will recommmend to you:



I interacted and responded with each film differently, but enjoyed each for the object of discussion about relationships. Into the Wild ended with a bold statement: "Happiness is only real when shared." I'm curious what you think about this quote. Let's discuss.

Woerden Nightlife

I left these pictures out of a previous post. They are just too hilarious so I must share them. All from my Friday night out with Tiffany in her small town of Woerden.

Brave.

I want to take a few moments before I get busy having fun to express gratitude for the great week just completed. My load wasn't any lighter and the children didn't grow angel wings. The only thing that changed was my perspective. On Monday I made the decision to relax. There is no perfect way to discipline two eight-year-olds. So, with that in mind I stepped down from my dictator platform and welcomed a more natural approach suiting my personality. My motives--to put the children's best interest first and simply do what is expected of me by Susan. I allowed a bit more nonsense, but I found myself more often amused and less pissed off that way. Quite liberating. Wednesday Susan and I sat down with Johan, Gabriella's foster care supervisor who is also a friend of mine I met at L'abri. He is the one who referred me to Susan for the job. The meeting was scheduled several weeks ago in order to discuss how things are going in the home and provide an opportunity for me to ask questions. This visit on Wednesday was incredibly helpful. I asked many questions and received a lot of answers which now inform the way I interact with and understand both children and Susan. I received some encouragement as well, which couldn't have come on a more appropriate day of the week. From Wednesday on I felt exceptionally more connected to my life here, every aspect of it. Once I stopped trying to change the children and instead understand them I captured a new grip on reality. A reality I can now enjoy moreso. I hope to keep this up. Thank God for a good week.

On Friday after cleaning the house top to bottom I was eager to bake something. So I scrounged up enough ingredients to bake some double chocolate chunk cookies. Greetje liked the dough more than the cookies themselves. With no baking soda I substituted baking powder, which made a cake-like finished product. Still delicious and a unique treat for my Dutch family to taste.

Now some serious relaxing begins. Tonight Susan and I are having a girls night. Perhaps going to a ballet if tickets are still available. The girls have a week off school for fall vacation. Monday and Tuesday the cousins come for some playtime. I plan to head to L'abri Wednesday for a long weekend. My home away from home.

I also want to put in a little plug for a Dutch musical entity called "Brown Feather Sparrow." Volkoren, their label group, was having a release party here in Den Haag and so I went Thursday evening with Levien. My tutor Robb at L'abri introduced me to their lovely music about a year ago and suggested I attend the party. Some would say "Brown Feather Sparrow" is a group of "undercover" Christian musicians, though they clearly are without any evangelical agenda. But all to say, they produce hope filling, wholesome, volkoren music ("volkoren" basically means "whole grain"). Most of the lyrics (which to my understanding are in english :) are written by lead vocalist Lydia, whose delightful vulnerability commands the attention of every audience member, even from behind her keyboard. Her stage presence honestly speaks, "These are my songs. I hope you like them. If not, they are still mine. And I like them quite much."

Their new album "Brave" is a collection of stories about people who were face to face with an opportunity to show their bravery. I say each day is chance to be brave.
In great moments of sadness, loneliness, laziness, anger, complacency, etc. maybe the missing key is bravery. What does bravery look like? Bravery I tend to link with faith because faith, for me, requires courage. Perhaps we'd all see a few better days if we could make this active.

"Not-so-good-body"

I contemplated long and hard a title for this blog. Maybe my stories are laced with a comprehensive theme? Well as I'm contemplating, Gabriella comes in after coming home from seeing the new Anubis film with Susan. I ask her, "How was the film?" and rather than a simple "good" she takes the opportunity to tell me the entire plot accompanied by props, animated expressions and demonstrative gestures. She keeps referring to the antagonist of the film as the "not-so-good-body." I correct her each time, "You mean, the bad guy?" "Yeah!" she responds and then continues, "So, the not-so-good-body..." Cute. So that's the irrelevant title of my blog. I like it.

I can't let too much time pass between blogs. Too many significant events worth reporting occur and I start to forget details. I passed my one month mark as an au pair and am now about to begin week seven. The fall palette is beginning to appear on the tree leaves, mostly canvased by a gray sky with occasional appearences of the sun. Days are shorter and the air is cooler. **This sunshine state girl realizes she has taken sunny days for granted**

I started my Dutch language courses. It's an advanced beginners course so I am quite a bit behind. Only Dutch is spoken in the classroom so it's impossible for me to understand the instructor, therefore I need to do a lot of homework in order to catch up. Unfortunately I'm unmotivated to do any extra work. I had a study session with another au pair from Bolivia who lives nearby which was nice. On my first day of class 16 women showed up, no men. Now we have one older Turkish fella in the class, but it's basically a women's zone. A few au pairs are in my class. One is Romanian and is possibly the most miserable person I've ever met. She absolutely hates her job as an au pair and is extremely vocal about it. I find it funny, kind of sad and also encouraging that I am working in a much better situation than she. Another Canadian girl in class also goes to the Bikram Yoga studio I practice at and I also ran into one of my German classmates at the hockey pitch with her sons. I guess The Hague is smaller than I thought.

The highlights of my past few weeks are the weekends. Here are my last three weekends at a glance:

The last weekend of September we celebrated Susan's 40th birthday. She had a party for her girlfriends at her brother's beach restaurant. A diabolo expert with a sweet mullet (for you older generations that would be the hairstyle, not the fish) surprised us with an interactive exhibition. I've never seen so many middle-aged women so involved with a children's toy at once. At first I refused to participate in order to play photographer, but mostly with fear of lacking enough skill to keep the bolo rolling. Eventually I joined in and couldn't put the sticks down.









The diabolo [dia-BO-lo] is a kind of juggling prop derived from the ancient Chinese Yo-yo. The modern diabolo was developed by the French in the early 20th century but has recently made a comeback in schoolyards across the Netherlands. Greetje and Gabriella love practicing their diabolo tricks and are much better the rest of us adults.


Some of the family. Susan, the girls, sister Lizet and her husband Peterjan, and Susan's parents.



October came so quickly... and it's almost half October. Geeze.


The first weekend of October I spent in Utrecht. I stayed with my sweet friend Jojanneke at her flat. She is a very kind host. Saturday we met up with Tiffany and her boyfriend Ghaith.
Tiffany is the one who introduced me to this whole au pair business. We met at L'abri in March when she was visiting from Portland, OR her hometown. Now she works as an au pair in Woerden and we try to meet up often to vent to each other about our misbehaving children. Saturday the four of us strolled the beautiful streets of Utrecht and bounced from cafe to cafe to avoid the cold, damp weather. In the evening Jojanneke prepared a delicious vegetarian meal accompanied by Wieckse rosé (canned white beer with fruity wine... and it's quite tasty!).
Dinner was followed by a movie, Bridget Jones Diary, and a large bag of M&Ms mixed with popcorn. STOMACH ACHE. Sunday Jojanneke and I visited the Anglican church in Utrecht. Very nice liturgical service with a harvest time theme. Enjoyed a nice lunch afterwards with Rike, a friend from L'abri we happen to run into. The afternoon we went to the cinema to see another chick flick, The Accidental Husband. Strange title, since there was nothing accidental about it.

And the weekend that just passed was quite nice also. Friday I babysat the children, but I had Ammeret over for dinner. After we ate the girls surprised us with an additional course of sea shells, cookies, granola, and wine-flavored water. Very cute and imaginative. I sincerely enjoyed my visit from Ammeret. My day was quite stressful and emotional and I was starving for some peer-to-peer interaction. On Saturday after yoga I took off to see Tiffany in Woerden. Her host family prepared a wonderful Asian meal before we headed to the town center for some drinks and chit-chat. After some au pair ventilation and a couple rum and diets we transitioned to a "club" for young adults in the community, arranged by a volunteer committee which her host father is involved with. The small room included no more than 20 young people, a small bar, a DJ mixing crappy techno, strobe lights and a smoke machine which provided nice effects for our photosession (the wonderful photos will be posted later!!!). The bartender looked about 15, and so it was quite comical to see him pouring beer from the tap and serving. But even moreso when he started slamming beer behind the bar. After we finished our drinks we called it a night. We got up early to catch our trains and go our separate ways to church. I went to the American Protestant Church I've been attending in The Hague. I am also getting involved with the young adult group which meets on Wednesdays and Sundays after the service for Bible discussion. After discussion a group of us went to lunch in the center. I suggested Scallywags, a "gezelig" (overused Dutch word meaning cozy) little British lunchroom with a delicious menu, friendly wait-staff, and ecclectic Princess Diana inspired motif. A lovely way to end my week and prepare for a new week as an au pair.

So.........

In the weekends my au pair hat is off. When I look inside this hat of mine I analyze my life how I see it. Mostly fun and interesting, but lately stressful and wearing. I try to put all I see into a healthy perspective that will encourage sanity, inspire me to persevere through the difficult times and help build a fun, trusting and orderly environment in the household. This weekend in particular I've spent a lot of time gushing about my life to others, myself, to God and have received various insights. I feel strengthened for a new week. Wiser. A little less defeated. A little more fit to breathe properly when my lack of control suffocates me. Enough for one week, at least. I forsee daily trials in this job from here on out. But all trials triggered by outside events reflect the inner battles against myself. I say this not to be cynical, but realistic about importance of my job, which inevitably invites struggle... to eventually produce something good and useful.

I'm thankful. Thankful for this safe and loving environment I live in. The privileges at my fingertips. The great friendships I see evolving. The air I breathe. May I continue to see the world through grateful lenses.

A Week In Command, A ReTREAT, A Queen, A Show, A Goodbye, A Friend, A Purpose?

A TIMELINE
A Week In Command (Sept 7 - 12)
Week two was au pair boot camp for me. Susan went to Switzerland on business and I was almost entirely entrusted with Sergeant Greetje and Lieutenant Gabriella (I had some help from Grandma and Elody). Still, they ran me amok. Some sweet moments with the girls, but the sour moments sent me to the barracks and introduced me to a side of Kelley that I'm not well-acquainted with- impatient, irritable, defeated... There is quite a tension between being a cool, easy-going au pair and being a responsible caretaker. After a bit of a tug-of-war between the two I realize in the long run it's much more beneficial for the girls and myself if I can tighten up a bit. I knew from the beginning that I wouldn't be a good disciplinarian because I'm always so concerned with being liked. Still trying to find a successful balance, but it's coming.



A ReTREAT (Sept 12 - 15)
At the end of the week I got to head out to L'abri with Herman. Took me three hours to travel approximately 80 miles. Road lesson #1: Do not drive on Dutch highways between 3:00 and 6:00 p.m. on Friday. When I arrived I immediately felt at home. This was absolutely the best setting to de-stress. Many quality interactions with dear friends and new friends. I left Eck en Wiel fully rejuvenated, hopeful and optimistic about the next week as an au pair.





An interesting exercise Robb had us do Sunday evening.
Never take your eye off the subject or lift your pen off the paper.
Let go of any expectations. Simply follow the intricate lines of the face.





A Queen (Sept 16 daytime)
Tuesday the girls were off of school for Prinsjesdag or 'Princes Day' which marks the beginning of the new parliamentary year. On this day large crowds gather near the center to watch Queen Beatrix ride in her golden carriage from her palace to the Knights Hall to make a speech about the policies the cabinet is planning to implement over the next year. I took Gab and Greetje to the center to shop and then we met Susan by her workplace (Rabobank) to watch the royal parade.





A Show (Sept 16 nightlife)
My dearest Dutchy Stefanie accompanied me to the Colbie Caillat show in Amsterdam. Colbie is pop artist from the States but much of her support comes from her Dutch fans. My friend Justin from Nashville is her stage manager. So he got us in. The venue Paradiso is an old church- intimate, stained glass windows and "Soli Deo Gloria" engraved in an archway over the stage. Colbie has a great voice, catchy songs and a talented band supporting her. I had a great time with Stef and Justin afterwards. Stef took some pictures of the show.






A Goodbye (Sept 19-20)
Elody left on Saturday. Her internship with the architecture firm ended on the 19th. She was incredibly instrumental in my smooth adjustment here. I'm grateful and fortunate that she was here in the house for my first few weeks. Not only did she help out with the children, we often enjoyed adventurous bike rides through the city center, on a search for a new place to sit and talk with a drink and perhaps a cigar or dessert. Now that she's gone I need to be a bit more proactive at finding a buddy I can share my evenings and weekends with, which is not so easy in a large Dutch city. Maybe I'll hang out in an Irish pub. They're always friendly there, right? ***Elody, thank you for an enjoyable few weeks. I hope you return next year to finish your studies here. Until then, I hope to visit you in Saint-Étienne or Paris.***





A Friend (Sept 21)
On Sunday my friend Levien visited from Utrecht. I first met him and his good friend Wouter at L'abri in October last year. We stayed in touch and the two were even able to visit me in Cape Canaveral this summer. I thoroughly enjoyed his visit on Sunday. An American church service, a simple lunch, a relaxed bike ride, the beach with its kite-covered sky, a visit to his friends, a spontaneous beer accompanied by a bundle of typical Dutch fried food, all laced with good conversation and the free spirit of a day off well earned by both parties. ***Thanks for a nice Sunday Levien***



A Purpose?
So there you have it. I've catalogued a list of events and experiences I partook in. They keep me busy, entertained, and productive, thus giving me some sense of value and self worth. Then a familiar question blasts me... What's my purpose in this life I'm living in The Hague? The "Big P" purpose is a concept I struggle with (ultimate life calling, destiny, etc) but at least (or maybe at best) I am able to discover something sacred, beautiful, telling or poignant in an ordinary moment. This is "little p" purpose. This question of purpose stirs in us all to some degree. And for those who wonder if there is such thing as a life purpose, maybe the stirring inside of you that dares to sometimes ask "is there more?" or "so what?" is proof enough that there IS more. For now, forget seeking the more you long for. Simply acknowledge that you long for it and perhaps in that very moment you are living your purpose. I personally don't know for sure what all this purpose stuff means, but I know it's innate and cannot be ignored.

(Enjoying the afternoon sun through my bedroom window)